Repetition: Book Series

 I keep meaning to write, but the nights are getting away from me.  Currently I am absolutely exhausted, I've had a headache all day, and I just feel gross -  really hoping I'm not getting sick.  So, in the interest of keeping up the writing and getting to bed, here's a list of book series that I consider favorites and have reread multiple times, and will read again.

In no particular order:

1.  The Dark Tower by Stephen King

I just love this series.  I love the characters, I love the interaction with different worlds and books of Stephen King's previous universe, I love the story.  (If you happened to have seen the movie that came out recently, please do not judge this series by that abomination.  It was not representative of these books.)

2.  Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder

Now that I'm older, I can see that parts of this series are problematic.  Reading the early books to my daughter, I've had to stop and address various issues.  I read the biography Prairie Fires last year, and that was an illuminating and somewhat depressing story.  But it was the first series I read over and over, so much that the bindings broke on the books and I had to replace the set.  It will always be a special series to me.

3.  The Farseer Trilogy by Robin Hobb

High fantasy.  Court intrigue.  Interesting magic system.  Great supporting cast of characters.  Really, I like all the Fitz and the Fool books, but this is the first of the trilogies.  Sometimes you want to kill the main character for making terrible choices, but I still love this series.  

4. The Passage by Justin Cronin

I guess this would fall under post apocalyptic fiction, but it's also a fairly unique vampire story.  I'm currently reading this again right now.  I am having a hard time marshalling my thoughts to summarize it more right now, but suffice to say, I love them. 

5.  The Kingkiller Chronicle by Patrick Rothfuss

I loved the first book in this series so much.  The second was good, although not quite as amazing as the first.  Fantasy (a favorite genre), wizards, cool magic system.  I hesitate to put this here, because it's unfinished, and unfortunately Rothfuss seems to be pulling a George R.R. Martin with an inability to finish the series.  Book 2 was published in 2011 - get on with it already, Rothfuss! Glancing at reviews, this series seems to inspire either love or hate, with nothing in between.  I want to read the first book again, but I refuse until he publishes that third book! 

These are not the only series I enjoy or have reread, and I have the nagging feeling that I'm forgetting a few big ones, but it is past time for bed.  Which series have you coming back for more?  I need some new reads! 

Nature for the Win

 It's been a long week.  I've taken 5 prescription migraine pills in the last 7 days.  I do what I can to take them either at bedtime or first thing in the morning (usually after being woken up with a migraine), but some days you gotta take 'em midday.  And that's the worst, because the rest of my day ends up shot.  Achy, nauseated, exhausted, zero patience.  So it's not been a fun week, with multiple days of pills between noon and 5ish.  

Today was a good day, despite the migraine.  Nicky and I spent almost two hours at our favorite park in our area, a "nature park."  There's cool climbing logs, tunnels under hills, multiple play structures, a long stream, a digging area, and lots of grass to run in.  

I made the "mistake" of letting Nicholas take off his shoes and get in the stream to retrieve his "boat" (a stick) after we'd already been there an hour.  He had a great time putting that stick in the current over and over.  45 minutes later I had to drag him screaming back to the car to go home.  They're going to turn the stream off probably when irrigation shuts off the water for winter any day now and a certain someone is going to be UPSET.  

(This is neither here nor there, but two little girls were playing by the stream while we were, and one was named Aspen.  I had a hard time catching the other girl's name, but it sounded like Espeon.  But that's the name of a Pokemon so for her sake I hope I'm wrong.  Would also not be surprised if that was actually her name.)

While at the park, we gathered pine needles, pinecones, berries and leaves for a project later in the day.  After nap and snack, we all went in the backyard to make "fall soup."  It actually turned out very well.  The activity lasted over 20 minutes (which is rare), and the toddler got to practice stirring, pouring, ladling, etc.  He was excited when some ingredients floated instead of sinking. Then we even sat together and read Stone Soup.  It was like a whole project/lesson thing. Who am I?!  

Full disclosure: I absolutely stole the soup idea from an ad for a kids' subscription box thing.  I wish I was that creative.  I was congratulating myself on an excellent afternoon when the husband was not impressed enough, and Anna said: "Did you think of it? I thought you probably saw it online." 

Damn it, kid.  Busted. 

Still taking the win. 

Five Things on a Tuesday

 If you don't know what to write, make a list! 

1.  Zombies!

I have been watching a LOT of Walking Dead these days: trying to catch up with the last seasons of both Fear the Walking Dead and The Walking Dead, and apparently now there's a new spinoff?  Look, I love the original show, and graphic novels, but this is becoming a bit much.  And yet...I'll probably watch it.  

2.  25 Days of IF

25 days in! I'm thinking I need to switch up how I open my window.  I had been opening it with lunch, but I always end up feeling so uncomfortably full about 30 minutes after I eat.  The bloat is immediate and sometimes painful, and I don't know if it's amount of food or type of food that's the issue. We'll see if maybe just a small snack will work, or maybe opening with less carbs.  Exciting update, I know.

3.  Random Cuteness

  He insisted on having a book in his bed to read before he went to sleep.  I'm not sure that he understands how reading works...

4.  What I'm Reading

I've had a hard time reading since the stay-at-home orders began.  I just can't focus, but I'm trying to make myself do some everyday and that is helping.  Right now I'm reading two: The Obesity Code just came in from the library, and I'm rereading The Passage for the 3rd or 4th time.  

5.  Something Frustrating 

Trying to watch the Harry Potter movies with the 8-year-old.  One the one hand, I'm really glad the she is finally into them, and the books, and it's something we can share.  On the other, she never stops talking or asking questions! "Where are they? What's happening?  Did they change Draco's hair? Who's that?"  Can't forget that the toddler is just making as much noise as humanly possible.

I was originally planning on "Ten Things on a Tuesday," (alliteration!) but it turns out I couldn't even think of 6 semi-interesting things from the past few days to write about.  I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep up the blog this time around, and history says: probably not, but I do miss the act of writing.  I guess I'll aim for two times a week.  I'm sure my two faithful readers will be thrilled. 😂

IF Update: 20 Days In

 I have made it 20 days!  Fanfare!

I aimed for 16:8 my first week, and then tried to increase it to 17:7 the second week.  I've gotten a few 18:6 days in there, but I won't try to go longer than that for now.  Some days I don't want to try to push past 16 hours for various reasons, and other days I can comfortably extend the fast.  Mostly going with the flow.

So far I don't have amazing changes to report, but I wasn't expecting any necessarily.  That said, there have been some surprising and pleasant discoveries.  Here's what I've noticed after 20 days. 

1) No hangries

I was legitimately concerned that at first I'd be short-tempered and incredibly hungry.  That just...never happened.  I do get hungry, but it generally comes in waves and it's not that hard to push past.  Hunger is not an emergency.  That is an almost revolutionary statement for me to make.  Previously, if I wasn't eating something every 2-3 hours, I was constantly hungry or grumpy about it. That said...

2) Food quality matters

 I have discovered that my hunger levels are directly correlated with what I eat the day before.  I'm not doing too much to change what I eat (looking for sustainability and not too many changes at once), but if I have a decent, solid dinner with protein and vegetables and carbs, I do much better.  One day I made the mistake of having fast food for lunch, junk for snack, and a Mod pizza with cupcake for dessert.  I was starving the next morning, and the rumbles didn't go away.  After listening to my stomach growl for 3 straight hours, I broke my fast two hours early and made Ben make me an egg sandwich while I sat on a church conference call.  

Mistakes were made.

3) Tastes changing?

This will require more time to see if it's actually happening, but I do feel like some of my food preferences and tastes are changing.  When I was counting calories, I knew I needed to cut down on soda, but it felt impossible.  I'm still drinking soda, but I've gone days here and there without it, and when I do drink it, it's not as good.  This is both excellent and very sad, haha.  Also, some artificial things taste more artificial.  I make bags of microwave popcorn sometimes for snack, and lately it leaves me with a weird, unpleasant aftertaste.

4) Small children complicate things

File this under: well, duh. 

Small children eat. A lot. All the time.  I think the morning fasting would be a lot easier if I wasn't having to make the kids breakfast and snacks.  It's stupidly hard not to toss a few bites of whatever they're having in my mouth.  Goldfish, pretzels, cereal.  I mean, Lucky Charms are practically made to be eaten out of the box! And the pandemic means we're spending a lot more time at home, where all the food lives.  So that's not been super easy.

Also, I felt a little weird explaining to Anna why I wasn't eating breakfast anymore.  I explained that adults don't need to eat as frequently as kids do.  She is still growing and it's important she is eating often enough to fuel that growth.  (Fasting is obviously not recommended for children).  I don't think she cares all that much, but I don't want her to end up with a disordered view of food or eating. 

5) Random observations

- I get full quickly.  When I break my fast with lunch, I can't eat as much as I initially want to because of how full I feel.  Then I get really sleepy for a bit.  

- My sleep hasn't really been impacted, except for two nights about a week or two in when I couldn't sleep AT ALL.  Apparently that can be a thing that happens in the adjustment phase, but I'm very thankful it didn't last.  

- I've been getting a weird taste in my mouth in the last week.  Is it keto breath? Is it something else entirely?  Who knows, really. 

- I continued counting calories during the beginning to double check that I wasn't over or undereating.  I can fit plenty of food into a 6-8 hour window, so no worries there.  I'd say I was averaging 1700 calories a day, which I feel comfortable with.  I'd love to never count calories again.

I'll hold off on any kind of "official results" until 4-6 weeks in.  I have lost a little bit of weight, and I feel less bloated, but I'd rather wait until I've gotten a full monthly cycle out of the way since I always have weight fluctuations associated with that.  This has been long enough!

One last thing: if you like podcasts and are curious about IF, you may like Intermittent Fasting Stories with Gin Stephens.  I've been listening to them in the car and on walks, and really enjoying hearing the variety of other people's experiences.  

Everything Old is New Again: Intermittent Fasting

Remember that time 4 years ago that I tried the Whole30 and it was a massive failure that only lasted 10 days?  Yeah, I do too.  Good times (but not really).  In the intervening years, I have tried at different points to lose weight and control various health issues, mostly through counting calories and increasing movement (eat less! move more!).  Spoiler alert: it never worked for me.  I've slowly been gaining weight ever since, well, I stopped losing weight midway through grad school.  

Part of the problem is me.  I tend to turn into an angry toddler when faced with the prospect of restriction.  I can't have that food?  I have to stop eating at an arbitrary calorie limit even if I'm still hungry?  Well, screw you, self, you can't tell ME what to do!  It's irrational, but it's what happens.

Another part of the problem is... wait for it... still me.  I get obsessive.  I can't turn off my brain.  I end up thinking endlessly about food. When will I eat, what will I eat, how many calories is it, is it time to eat now?  If you recall, this was part of the reason I quit the Whole30.  It turned those thoughts from intrusive to non-stop.  Also, I was just plain hungry.  All the time hungry.  

Anyway, drum roll: I'm ready to try something new!  

Everyone everywhere:

Unless you've been living under a rock, or just don't consume as much diet-related media as I do (must be nice, honestly), you've heard of intermittent fasting.  It's also referred to as TRE, or Time Restricted Eating.  There are two main patterns: alternate daily fasting (with "up days" of normal eating mixed with "down days" of either total fasting or up to about 500 calories) or eating windows, where you fast for a certain number of hours, generally between 14-21, and eat for a certain number of hours.  

I'm horribly summarizing here, but essentially, the idea is that our bodies were not designed to be digesting and eating food nearly as often we do in modern life.  Eating causes insulin to be released, and our society has a major problem with high insulin levels and eventual insulin resistance.  By restricting your eating to a specific window of time, you're allowing your body to rest and repair itself during the longer fasting periods.  And a lot of the research around it is very promising.  There are a couple of great books to read if you're interested:

1) Delay, Don't Deny by Gin Stephens or Fast, Feast, Repeat by Gin Stephens 

     I've read both of these.  The first is great if you want a fast, easy primer about intermittent fasting.  The second is great if you want more research, more in-depth, and easy methods to start trying it out yourself.  

2) The Obesity Code by Jason Fung

    I'm waiting on a copy to be available from the library, but I've heard wonderful things.  This is written by a medical doctor who works with diabetic patients, and is very much recommended by Stephens. 

So what am I hoping for? I'd like to stop constantly thinking about food.  I'd like to stop feeling like I get hangry if I go a few hours without eating.  I'd like to lose weight.  I'd like to lower my blood pressure (historically pretty low, but it's been high since I had my second child).  I'd like some of the continual energy people report from following this lifestyle.  

Everything I've read says that this is not a quick fix.  Side note: beware any program that claims to solve all your problems in a matter of weeks.  FFR suggests giving yourself at least a 30-day adjustment period, if not a few months.  So I'm in for at least 30 days, but hopefully much longer (ideally, it will be a great fit for me and I can do it indefinitely!).  One of the major draws is that after awhile, this should be a very flexible "plan."  You can shift around your eating window, you can change up the lengths of time, you can try out ADF or windows, whatever you need for the season you're in or what feels best for you.

My plan is to start out with a fairly wide window of 16:8 (16 hours fasting, 8 hours eating) from roughly 11/12 to 7/8 PM.  Over the 30 days, I'd like to slowly move toward 18:6 (18 hours fasting, 6 hours eating). I'm hoping to check in here regularly, maybe once or twice a week.*

*Well, that's a lofty goal.  I started this post a solid week ago, and am just now preparing to publish it.  I had to bribe my toddler to give me just 10 freaking minutes to write a few paragraphs.  As of this coming Saturday, I will have been doing IF for 3 weeks.*

So, anyway.  I'll pop back by Friday to let you know how the first few weeks have gone.  Pinkie swear! 

That Time I Got COVID-19

Heeeey.  So yes, it's been almost a solid 3 years since I posted anything here. I thought I'd revive this for the sake of a long, overly detailed post about contracting COVID-19.  Spoiler alert:  I got an incredibly mild case, for which I am deeply grateful.  I have read the articles about people with "moderate" or severe cases and people with endless continuing issues and it is not lost on me how obscenely lucky I was.

On a Thursday evening in mid-July, I started coughing.  On Friday, the cough continued, not terrible but more than my typical allergy cough.  By Saturday, I was barely coughing.  I might have discounted it, but as I was pulling weeds in the yard, I got very out of breath.  I haven't felt that way before - like no matter how deeply I breathed, I couldn't get air.  

I more or less panicked and immediately made an appointment for that afternoon to get a COVID test at Physician's Immediate Care.  By the time I arrived, about 5 hours later, I felt fine.  No issues breathing, no coughing, no nothing.  The nurse and doctor that I saw, although both friendly and kind, all but assured me that I didn't have the virus.  All of my stats were great and I didn't know anyone who had it.  They went ahead and did the test, since I was there and all, but it was presented as a formality.  I left feeling pretty damn foolish and even a little embarrassed.  

As the next few days went by, I stayed home and monitored for additional symptoms.  There were none, nada, zilch.  I was getting increasingly embarrassed that I had "panicked" and gone in for a test.  I mean, I've been playing the "allergies or Covid" game in my head for MONTHS at this point.  Feeling absolutely certain that I did not have it, and foolish for getting tested, I put the pending test result out of my mind.  I agreed to let Anna have her drive-by parade for her birthday the following Friday.  

So, Friday morning, a few friends drove by to wish Anna a happy 8th birthday.  We stayed outside, we both wore masks, we tried to distance - those are just the rules of quarantine for everyone.  Later that day, almost a full week after my test, I got a call from the doctor's office.  Positive.  

That call sent me into an absolute tailspin.  I couldn't have this!  I have been careful, I have followed the rules!  I barely had any symptoms!  There was no fever!  None of my family are sick! And then the worst part - realizing we had just had a mother-frigging birthday parade that morning.  Can I just tell you that having to make notifications to beloved friends, who came by out of the kindness of their hearts, that you possibly exposed them to a potentially deadly or life-altering virus is the.absolute.worst.thing?

Because it was, by far and away, the worst part of this for me.  My symptoms were minor and over in 2 days.  But I still feel deep, abiding shame, guilt, and horror for not isolating the full time required for the test results.  I don't know if other people feel this strongly about it when they have to make notifications (probably not - I mean, not to brag, but I have an incredibly overdeveloped guilt complex).  There are tons of excuses I can give - I was told there was virtually no chance I had it, I had barely any symptoms, we followed the rules when we were outside, it took forever to get results - but it comes down to not being vigilant enough for long enough.

The good news is that no one we saw has developed symptoms.  It's been about a week and a half, and with each passing day I breathe a little sigh of relief.  Ben got tested last week as a formality for work, and his test was negative.  The kids are totally fine.  

Did I have a mild case because I only had a "small viral load?"  I remember reading that in an article.  Is that still considered a thing for this virus?  I don't know.  I'll never really know where I got it from.  I have never stopped wearing my mask in stores, etc.  The health department eventually called me for contact tracing, and I'm thankful I had a very short list of names to give them (2, to be exact).  I'm thankful I notified those people as soon as I knew the test results rather than waiting for that tracing call (which came 5 days after I got the test results, and 11 days after I got tested).  

In conclusion:  I am fine.  I feel normal, healthy, I don't think I have lingering issues.  I do get very out of breath running, but I always got out of breath running. (please see: being out of shape)  If you think you've exposed anyone, notify them ASAP.  Don't wait for contact tracing or any other bureaucracy to do it for you.  

Also wear a damn mask.

You read the whole thing!  High five! 

I'm So Excited?

Well.  It has apparently been over 6 months since my last post, so that must mean it's time for a new one.  Things have happened.  One day I'll probably talk about those things.  For now, one thing is happening for sure.  I am pregnant. 12 weeks to the day.

It is generally not socially acceptable to admit that you are maybe, just maybe, not 100% thrilled to be expecting a baby.  Yes, it was (more or less) planned, and yes, I am aware that I am lucky to be in a position to both want a baby and have a baby.  But... it's hard to be really excited when you're exhausted and nauseated all the time.  Also, flashing back to baby Anna, I almost died the first time I had a baby (I'll save that story for another time) and then that baby screamed nonstop for 3 months.  Turns out Coach Carr was close to right.

And this probably goes under the heading "Shallower Concerns," but I feel really unhappy, body image-wise.  It doesn't help that I'm starting this pregnancy 20 pounds heavier than the last.  Smaller people get this adorable "baby bump."  I, on the other hand, have two rolls - the lower one is probably partially the baby, while the upper one is leftover fat and all the organs that have been displaced by said baby.  Not cute.  None of my regular clothes really fit anymore, but I still can't wear most maternity clothes.  Just ugh.  Even my 5-year-old is shaming me for wearing sweatpants most days at home.

So, I'm pretty sure when I originally thought about writing this post (a few weeks ago), I intended it to be wittier and have a more positive tone at the end.  But it's late.  I'm tired.  I feel like throwing up.  Don't worry, I'm not usually this self-pitying, but right now:

Mean Girls to the rescue!