Day NO MORE

So, this is a little bit embarrassing.  Two weeks after I publicly declared my intention to not just do the Whole30, but blog about it (idiot), I am here to say: NO MORE.  This program works for a lot of people.  Like, a lot.  It is not a program that works for me.

Because reasons:

1.  Not Enough Food/Variety:  I was not eating enough food on this program, plain and simple.  I had no interest in eating until it was 100% necessary, and I just don't like enough food on the allowed foods list.  This is not to say I didn't try new things.  I forced myself to eat spaghetti squash for the third time - still think it is terrible.  I tried cauliflower rice, but it was THE WORST.  I was literally gagging, and couldn't eat more than 3 bites.  Anyone who tries to tell you that it is "just like rice" is full of crap.  I dropped over 5 pounds in the one week I followed it strictly, and while some of that was probably from less sugar and processed carbs, it was mostly because I was eating about 1200 calories a day or less.

Source: Giphy

2.  No Improvement in Symptoms:  now, you might point out (probably rightly) that I didn't do it for long enough.  True, I was not expecting miracles in the first week.  I was expecting, however, that maybe my headache would go away after 7 days.  No change.  If anything, my neck and shoulders are worse.   On the plus side, I do think my energy levels are more consistent with drastically less sugar intake. 

3.  Way Too Restrictive = Neuroses:  This is the biggest reason I can't do this.  I knew it was restrictive going in.  I did not know how I would react to that.  The short answer: very poorly.  Despite not wanting to eat, I was thinking about food CONSTANTLY, more than I was previously.  What I would eat, when I would eat, what did I need to buy, what will I eat, am I doing this right, let me Google that, what will I eat whatwillIeat whatwillIeat, ad nauseam.

My daughter would offer me a little piece of her snack, say a bite of her string cheese, and I would have to say: "Oh, thank you, but Mommy can't eat that right now."  This happened a lot more than I thought it would.  She started referring to it as "Mommy's special diet."

Source: Giphy

4.  Terrible Timing:  this is 100% my fault. Let me just say that I did not think this all the way through (idiot, again).  For a full 3 weeks of this 30-day experiment, we are going to have out of town guests.  I want to occasionally be able to go out to eat with them and not be a neurotic mess about it.  We just had our 10th anniversary - I want to be able to go out on a date with my husband to celebrate and not worry about my food.  I'm starting a new job, and I just have too much to do right now to spend so much time obsessing about meals, shopping, and prepping.

Not to worry, though. I am not jumping directly into a giant vat of cheese and bread.  In order to stay somewhat true to the program spirit, I have been very slowly adding things back to my diet.  For the past three days I let myself have some legumes (natural peanut butter, beans).  I am now incorporating the occasional non-gluten grain, like rice or corn.  Eventually, there will be dairy and gluten grains.  Yay me.

Source: Giphy

This is also not to say that I didn't get anything positive from the experience or learn anything.  I absolutely did, and I will share that with you another day.  For now, this is approaching novel length, and I have really important things to do.  Like eat lunch.  And continue my impromptu dance party because "Fell in Love With a Girl" just came on my playlist.

Source: Giphy

We finally got curtains in the office, so it's cool.  There are some things you can't unsee.

You're welcome, neighbors.